Hi there mamas! It’s been awhile since I posted anything so I wanted to pop on and share a life update. Things have been a little, well blah. That really sums up the past couple of months for myself, I’ve been in this depressive funk that I can’t seem to get out of. Very similar to last year, it seems when the weather changes then depression comes rushing in full force. Luckily I am on medication for both my bipolar and OCD that the depression hasn’t been as bad as years past but it still sucks.
Depression is the worst isn’t it? Especially when you so bad want to get yourself better, pull your self out of it but it’s impossible at times. I’ve struggled with taking care of myself (Even just the little things like showering, getting out of sweats or putting on makeup) I’ve struggled with keeping up on the house and the chores, I’ve completely isolated myself and I just feel blah. Not happy but not sad. Just like I’m on autopilot, running through each day, surviving. Barely making it through. If you can relate you know how incredibly hard it is. I wish for you, and me that depression wasn’t a thing.
I thought, foolishy, that this year would be different. I went through September and October fine and I thought, wow, this medication and all the tools that I’ve learned are really working.
Thank god! But this wasn’t the truth. What I failed to realize, that’s become so evident to me lately, is that I get seasonal depression bad. Once that sun goes away and the time changes, man oh man it’s rough. Living in Washington state makes this so hard. When it’s rainy pretty much every day and gets dark at 4 p.m., it’s enough to drive anyone crazy.
And then it got worse. I ended up pregnant, super tired but happy while my depression got worse and then had a miscarriage. Which sent me into a deep, dark depression that I’m still trying to climb my way out of. It’s been awful. And lonely. I continue to try to have the strength to get myself better. Each day is a new day and I do my best to live it as best as I can.
What am I doing to make sure I’m taken care of and getting myself better?
- Sleeping enough but not too much.
- Sticking to my medication, continuing to take it even though it clearly needs to be adjusted.
- Reaching out to my safe circle, leaning on them and letting them know what’s going on.
- Meeting with my care team to get counseling and my medication adjusted.
- Writing, journaling as much as I can. Working through the pain that I’ve been dealing with.
- Giving myself grace and learning as I go.
I do hope that you are doing okay and if you aren’t know that you aren’t alone. You really really aren’t. We are all just trying to make it through motherhood and our mental health struggles. Wishing you strength and happiness soon!
